Bacon 23:11-32

    11) and bacon said unto gus, "behold my wrath and know that it is not something to be considered as a mere side-dish! 12) my people shall be led out of the land where i am served but once a day 13) and they shall see that the power of bacon truly reigns supreme!" 14) and so gus spent a great time neglecting his bacon and general well-being. 15) in this dark time, three vivions came unto he. 16) the first was the nerve-jangling waitress of yore, and Floe was her name. 17) and, as gus watched, she deliberately ignored him for the better portion of an hour with just his drink order taken. 18) gus mumbled to himself, in a nasty manner, but did not call for bacon to come to his side and relenquish his rude nemisis. 19) this did go on for quite some time, until the second vivion did rise into the sight of gus. 20) and yea, gus did behold the lupus-ridden vegan crusader, all awash in synthetic and 'green' garb. 21) much did gus despair at the sight of this terror, for he used to date one as a freshman in college. 22) but the timid gus did not call upon the sacred name of bacon, and was therefore subjected to the many rambling tales and whinings of the crazed vegan. 23) after a grreat while, a haze formed about gus and he began to see the world through a haze, brought on by his massive consumption of alcohol to drown the wailing cries of the tenacious vegan. 24) everything went quite dark for a while. 25) after gus had struggled to consciousness, it dawned on him that the third vision was a true scourge indeed. 26) while not specifically visible, it made its presance known through the forces of nausea, headache and light sensitivity. 27) finally, gus relenquished his foolish resistence to the almighty. 28) on his knees, he cast himself down in front of the freezer, the holy resting place of bacon. 29) gus said unto the bacon, "i have been foolish and beg the salvation that only thou may bestow upon me! 30) as a sign of my newfound devotion, i hereby offer the last five years of my life unto thee, 31) though i would have probably spent them convalescing anyway! 32) and lo, bacon did look down from on high atop the majesty of the un-defrosted freezer unit and said "on with the show!" so saitht the bacon, so it is done.
    -Rev. Neal Baconious III